G.Litch at the Machine

A new secretary, Miss G.Litch, has been employed by Century 21 to type some revised script pages for various episodes of UFO. Unfortunately, she has lost the updated versions and has to rely on her memory , which is generally excellent. However,  things are not going as well as usual.IDENTIFIED

HENDERSON tumbles down the slope. He has been thrown out of the Rolls Royce. We hear the Rolls explode.

The terrifying noise has stopped. Slowly he lifts his head. Over we hear the crackle of the flames. Painfully HENDERSON begins to get to his feet.

EXT. CAR. (Visual Effects)
A mass of flames. There is obviously no hope for the occupants.

Harlington-Henderson Film Studios


INT, STRAKER’S OFFICE The room is empty.
Freeman enters, stands by the desk, opens the cigarette box.
Focus on Freeman’s face as he speaks.

FREEMAN; (gruff tones) Go on punk. Make my day.

a few seconds pause:

VOICE OVER: Voice print identification negative. Stop mucking about you idiot.

Straker stands watching a dot of light on a screen that is Seagull X-ray He is obviously tense. An operator offers him a cup of coffee. He takes it, takes a gulp. Grimaces.

STRAKER: (angrily) How long have you worked here? Haven’t you learned anything yet? TWO sugars. I take TWO sugars.


Carlin looking down at sea.
CARLIN; (into mike) It went straight under… it seems to be breaking up… There’s wreckage everywhere… Hold it
Zoom in on Carlin as he looks closely
CARLIN; There’s …..a ……..body.

STRAKER; (Measured.Controlled) Please confirm. Did you say…. body?
CARLIN:(VO) Yes….. It’s a …… Oh shit, it’s a seal. Sorry Commander. No luck this time.



Freeman looks down to study an aerial photograph.

FREEMAN; Right, …….send it in.

ELLIS; Which one sir?

FREEMAN; ( Measured) The one in the best position…… Standard Procedure.
He has spelt it out and Ellis knows what he means as FREEMAN looks hard at her.

ELLIS; (Under breath) Eeny, meeny, miny, mo…….

(used in playgrounds to pick someone! Also used… One potato, two potato…. Ip Dip Tation, Corporation!)


Straker sits at his desk. He straightens as the door slides open and Alec Freeman enters.

Straker; You look tired. Have a drink.

Freeman; No thanks

FREEMAN holds out an envelope

FREEMAN; I…. want you to accept this.

Straker, sensing something is wrong, takes the envelope but doesn’t open it. He guesses its contents. FREEMAN’S resignation.

STRAKER; We’ve worked together for a long time, Alec.

FREEMAN; Maybe too long.

STRAKER; Fine. I want your desk cleared in fifteen minutes. Hand your pass into security and leave the keys for the firm’s car with Miss Ealand.

Straker flicks a switch on his desk. The office door slides open.

STRAKER; (nonchalantly, bored) Well? What are you waiting for? And you can collect your P45 from the gatehouse on your way out.


Straker sits at his desk

STRAKER: So let’s see what we’ve got.

FREEMAN; Some sort of flight path

STRAKER; ,….. and the fact that they chose Roper to do their dirty work. Why?

FREEMAN; One…. because he had access to SID and understood its problems better than most

STRAKER; And two….. they knew he was soft on his wife and could be easily manipulated.

FREEMAN; He’s told us everything he knows….

STRAKER; Which isn’t much…. But….

FREEMAN (not understanding) Go on.

STRAKER; If you hire a man to do a job you keep an eye on him……

FREEMAN; Meaning the aliens will watch Roper?

STRAKER; The aliens… and us

FREEMAN; I need a drink

Freeman goes over to the dispenser. Dials a scotch.

STRAKER; I’ll have a double while you’re up there. On the rocks. No. Make that a triple. Look Alec, its after five. Let’s close up the place for the night. Tell everyone they can leave as soon as everything is shut down.



35; HQ Control Room. Close Up. Ford at Console on phone
Ford hands Straker the phone

STRAKER: (firmly) I understand you have a jet over the North Atlantic, grid reference G-6. Right. Tell your pilot to alter course.


STRAKER; (very angrily) Well, anywhere! Just get him out of that area!

Pauses for answer

STRAKER; (sharply) Look, I don’t care how much money it costs! (Pauses to listen to reply)…..Oh. How much? Oh. Sorry to have troubled you.

131; Sound Stage 4. Int.

Foster runs towards the door

Close up; Straker presses a button on the panel

Close up; the bolt on the door locks

Foster turns and faces Straker, his hands flat against the door, panic-struck, fear in his eyes

Straker moves towards him, menacingly, holding the gun.

Straker stands, and aims the gun at Foster.

Pulls the trigger. Two loud bangs. (Sound FX)

Foster falls.

STRAKER; Oh Shit….. Real bullets…. Bugger.

Straker. (looking perplexed). Tugs jacket straight before turning and walking away.

179. INT Straker’s office (HQ)

Straker behind desk (seated), Freeman by door. Foster in front of desk

STRAKER: (thoughtfully , fingers steepled) It’s been a test for you Foster. You followed a predictable set of clues. You’ve shown a certain initiative, but basically it was an inevitable conclusion that led you to the studio. And now……

FOSTER; (worriedly) What happens now?

STRAKER; You realise we can never let you go free. You know too much. Besides which. SHADO rule 43a states that we are absolutely forbidden to recruit anyone with sideburns like those. Sorry. (pulls out a gun and shoots Foster dead)

FREEMAN; He could have shaved them off you know.

STRAKER; (thoughtfully). Oh. I never thought of that. Shit. Too late now.



148. SHADO HQ Ford seated at console.

V.O. (Moonbase); UFO maintaining course steering 248.206 green

Straker walks over, leans towards microphone concentrating on radar screen. Fists clenched

STRAKER (to Ford, but without looking at him) Get the termination

FORD (into mic) Request trajectory termination

V.O. (Moonbase) I. F zero two six Southern England

STRAKER; (Tensely) Close enough. It’s target is this studio. (Turns to Ford) Maintain visual contact on countdown.

FORD; Yes sir

STRAKER; (Fiercely) Then order a complete shutdown.

FOSTER; (loudly, amazed) Shutdown?

STRAKER: (Close-up) Everything. VHF, Radar the computers. Everything. Ah, ….wait,….. on second thoughts everything except the coffee machines

163; Straker’s Office. Henderson, Straker standing inside doorway (door closed). Foster standing by desk.

HENDERSON; (smugly, yet angrily) Straker I’m relieving you of your command. Colonel Foster will take over as of now.

Close up on Foster, grinning hugely

STRAKER; (calmly, hands behind back) You can’t do it Henderson. You require the unanimous backing of the committee.

HENDERSON; You think I won’t get it?

STRAKER; Yes, I think you could get it, but it would take time

HENDERSON; And this base is due to be attacked in a few minutes. (turns to face Paul Foster) Colonel Foster? Assume command.

FOSTER; (Leaps up and punches the air) Yippee!!