I made my choice long, long ago he said.
I gave up home and life and family
To go where older men refused to tread
To be the leader others could not be.

My life became one purpose, one  intent
One goal, one reason, one last hopeful aim.
With child, with wife I would have been content
But these were taken from me. Who to blame?

None but myself. With selfishness and greed
I strove to share myself between two wives
With careless disregard for each one’s needs.
Lost child, lost love, lost hope and now lost lives.
 
My true loves, my first loves, my child and wife
Are gone from sight, from touch, from all I know.
The other, cold, demanding takes my life
In pieces, day by day, but still I go

To be with her, to fulfil each demand
Knowing that she gives me no more thought
Than I give those whose lives I now command
And send to death without a second thought.

My fate is this. That each and every night
I see their faces. All of them. I know
Their names, their fates. They haunt me as their right
Because of that choice made so long ago.

12.12.09